02 October 2015 – Last night packing up for mystery weekend. Went into ‘my’ room to get laptop. Stopped when saw n-book. Feels like ages since I opened it. Surprised to see it’s just over a week.
Brought n-book into b-room. Threw it on bed. Beside G. Who’s lying there. On his side of the bed. In boxers. Reading. A book on trees. He eyes notebook. Offhandedly asks how it’s coming. Meaning writing. Tell him it isn’t and sigh. He places book open on his chest. Can feel his gaze consider my profile. Gauging the outline of my mood. Deliberating what course to take.
Tactfully he remains quiet.
I plop my butt on the edge of the bed. Muss up my hair. Huff and puff. Launch into a disjointed monologue. Complaints mostly. That I’m not getting as much done as would like. What’s coming out doesn’t quite capture what I have in mind. It’s like the writing is in control of the content. Leaving me at the mercy of the pen. The entries swallow me up and spit me out confused. My method is inefficient and disorganized. All my plans in shambles. Can’t seem to keep up. Too much time is passing etc.
Everything coming out my mouth sounding silly.
G’s scooched himself up behind me. His hand on the small of my back. Lightly rubbing. Up and down, back and forth.
‘Ain’t always easy,’ he says. ‘That’s for damn sure.’
He sits up. Gently pulls me back so my head’s on his belly. My arms are crossed. I’m staring at the ceiling. He starts combing his fingers through my hair.
‘I can’t say as it’ll get any easier. But I think you’re doing great. Honestly. The pages are filling in. You’ve covered a lot of ground in a few short months. And I personally like what you’ve let me read. Makes me want to read more. And you know how quickly I can lose interest. You’ve created a voice. Established a standard to which you hold its expression. Have loads of style. Deal with varied subject matter. Delve into some pretty complicated material. And handle it all with poise and composure.’
My eyes close. The sound of his voice. His nails scratching my scalp. How so easily soothed.
Last I remember him saying is something about sticktuitiveness.
Out like lamppost on dark street.
Up early this morning. Before G. Brought him a coffee. The smile on his face. First things first. A bit of the brisky-frisk. Simple pleasures do so much to getting a day off to a good start.
Where at now? Few more minutes before checking on Liz. She’s dropping me at City Hall for 830 interview. Auxiliary counter clerk. Community centres. Not ideal but money sounds good. Don’t even remember applying for it. See what happens.
Back here to meet G for noon. Then it’s round to collect Dot and Melville. Should be on the brink of the ocean for sunset.
Haven’t decided if I should bring this or not.